...And in the air, the fireflies, our only light in paradise. We'll show the world that they were wrong, and teach them all to sing along; singing Amen I, I'm alive. Amen I, I'm alive...

- Nickelback, If Everyone Cared

For All The Right Reasons Album

And I'm singing Aaa-ayyy-men, I'm alive!

William Leonidas November 12th, 2009
My only regret is that I cried so many tears while I waited for you.

"...I'll try ~ but it's so hard to believe. I'll try ~ but I can't see what you see. I'll try and try to understand the distance between the love I feel ~ the thing I fear ~ and every single dream. I can finally see it. Now I have to believe all those precious stories. All the world is made of faith ~ and trust ~ and pixie dust. So I'll try ~ because I finally believe. I'll try ~ because I can see what you see. I'll try, I'll try ~ to fly..."

Jonatha Brooke "I'll try"

Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..." Jeremiah 1:4-5

For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well. Psalms 139:13-14

Monday March 5th, 2010

So Why Stinkerie?

It's simple, really. It's the first thing I whispered against my newborn little Dumpling's temple as I held him alone for that very first time. "There's my Little Stinkerie." And all was right with the world as I brushed my lips across his delicate dewy soft newborn-pink skin and sniffed at his sparse smattering of downy soft hair. Corny and sappy, huh? I can't help it when describing my new Little Puppy. But don't get used to it - I have been told I am "irreverent."

Anyway, it just came out and he's been Stinkerie ever since. As well as Stink Pie, Stink Pot, Stinkey Pete, Little Stinks, Stinks, Puppy, Ducky, Baby, Baby Head, Baby Head Jenkins, Jack, Jack-Jack, Jackie Boy, Jax, Snork, Snorkis, Snorkle, Billy Boy, Billy Bob, Bobby Sue, Billy-Joe-Jim-Bob, Will, Willie, Willister, and the name given by my mentor turned friend Beth - Snake. When I write to her I call him either The Snakester or Slither! And of course, Dumpling, because he is my Little Dumpling - warm and soft and comforting. It's alright to combine comfort food with baby names, right? Have you ever watched the movie Where the Heart Is? If you have, you'll know why I mention this in my defense!

Long story short, you're likely to encounter any one or more of these names in a single post. Because I can. It's my blog!

Something to Consider

Bad decisions make good stories.

Something to Think About

With any pregnancy, there are concerns. With any child, there are worries. When you have a diagnosis of Down syndrome, you know what to worry about. You know what to look for. You have a plan of action. With your typical child, there is no limit to the things that can 'go wrong' or 'happen.' There's no place to focus your worry and concerns. 'IT' will always be out there, waiting. You'll always be on guard. Even when the child is 55 and has grandchildren. With Down syndrome we have a battle plan. With Down syndrome, there is a finite number of things that can go awry. With a typical child, there's isn't. It's a crap shoot. I'm sticking with the Ds and taking the other two back to the hospital for a refund.

Head Above Water

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Monday, October 25, 2010

Dang It All!

I'm up past two am due to stress. An inability to sleep, due to stress. The Dear Daddy is working tonight, owing to a bout of stomach flu over the weekend on his part, and missed work. The Girlie is ensconced in our bed, along with every danged stuffed animal she owns, six blankets, and six pillows. And she's peeved at me for getting out of bed to wait for the effects of a sleeping pill taken on my part. I hate sleepers. Ya' just never know if they're going to work or not. And they do nothing for stress, but I have lots to do tomorrow, including shopping for a project for The Girlie, due Tuesday, so I need sleep! Gotta hit the pharmacy, gotta call the electric company, gotta continue the saga with the cable company, gotta be awake for Jack's ST, gotta get some danged sleep!

On the other hand, I was snuggling with Jack while he slept this evening and in his sleep the boy flashes some beatific smiles! They are radiant. The boys face is pure bliss and jubilation. I swear he sees angels, so why not dream about them?

That little fang...it kinda feels like "That's what you get." I was so happy that Jack's teeth appeared to be coming in in the typical progression. Not in the roof of his mouth or the sides of his gums. So, now that his first tooth is very clearly a sharp pointy fang, and not at all typical, I kinda feel like that's what I get for being happy about the typical pattern. I kinda think it's a wrench to my head. A small wrench, but a wrench none-the-less and still painful. And I am beginning to hate the word typical. Seriously. Hate it.

In other news, a hospital I used to work for and then was somehow no longer welcome at called my agency the other day and said that perhaps they had been hasty, perhaps they had been misled by the information available, and would I perhaps like to come to work for them again? Well, this was great news! Not only do they pay well, and they are one of my all time favorite places to work, they also take good care of patients, are up on all the latest techno crap and expensive products other hospitals won't spring for, and the people who work there are great to work with! So I was tickled pink to be invited back! Looks like some of our financial worries are looking up. Until tonight. None of the three hospitals I routinely go to needed registry tonight. Dang it! I needed this shift! And therein lies my stress and sleeplessness. It always comes down to money.

While I was a single starving student and The Beloved was giving me half of his paycheck so I could devote myself to school full time and only had to work weekends, I dreamed of the day when money woes would be behind me. What the heck was I thinking? Unless you're Donald Trump or his ex-wife, money woes are never behind you. Currently, the kitchen faucet handle is tricky and will come off in your hand or clang into the sink and put yet another chip in the porcelain if you're not careful. The turntable in the microwave no longer turns. Both bathroom showers leak. There's a broken sprinkler valve in the front yard that even in the off position still allows water to trickle down the driveway. There's a bad smell when I use the oven. The heater thermostat in our house needs replaced and it's any one's guess if it's actually going to come on with the first try or the tenth. I'd say at least none of the major appliances are broken right now, but that would just be asking for that's what I get.

That sleeper seems to be kicking in. I'll go scoop sleepy little Jack up and see if I can't neck snuggle a smile from him, and then put my sorry self back into bed. I am quite certain that The Girlie is still awake, watching the clock, counting down the fifteen minutes ticking by that I promised her I would return in. And if the project doesn't get done tonight, well, maybe she'll have just a touch of the stomach flu on Tuesday morning.

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