...And in the air, the fireflies, our only light in paradise. We'll show the world that they were wrong, and teach them all to sing along; singing Amen I, I'm alive. Amen I, I'm alive...

- Nickelback, If Everyone Cared

For All The Right Reasons Album

And I'm singing Aaa-ayyy-men, I'm alive!

William Leonidas November 12th, 2009
My only regret is that I cried so many tears while I waited for you.

"...I'll try ~ but it's so hard to believe. I'll try ~ but I can't see what you see. I'll try and try to understand the distance between the love I feel ~ the thing I fear ~ and every single dream. I can finally see it. Now I have to believe all those precious stories. All the world is made of faith ~ and trust ~ and pixie dust. So I'll try ~ because I finally believe. I'll try ~ because I can see what you see. I'll try, I'll try ~ to fly..."

Jonatha Brooke "I'll try"

Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..." Jeremiah 1:4-5

For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well. Psalms 139:13-14

Monday March 5th, 2010

So Why Stinkerie?

It's simple, really. It's the first thing I whispered against my newborn little Dumpling's temple as I held him alone for that very first time. "There's my Little Stinkerie." And all was right with the world as I brushed my lips across his delicate dewy soft newborn-pink skin and sniffed at his sparse smattering of downy soft hair. Corny and sappy, huh? I can't help it when describing my new Little Puppy. But don't get used to it - I have been told I am "irreverent."

Anyway, it just came out and he's been Stinkerie ever since. As well as Stink Pie, Stink Pot, Stinkey Pete, Little Stinks, Stinks, Puppy, Ducky, Baby, Baby Head, Baby Head Jenkins, Jack, Jack-Jack, Jackie Boy, Jax, Snork, Snorkis, Snorkle, Billy Boy, Billy Bob, Bobby Sue, Billy-Joe-Jim-Bob, Will, Willie, Willister, and the name given by my mentor turned friend Beth - Snake. When I write to her I call him either The Snakester or Slither! And of course, Dumpling, because he is my Little Dumpling - warm and soft and comforting. It's alright to combine comfort food with baby names, right? Have you ever watched the movie Where the Heart Is? If you have, you'll know why I mention this in my defense!

Long story short, you're likely to encounter any one or more of these names in a single post. Because I can. It's my blog!

Something to Consider

Bad decisions make good stories.

Something to Think About

With any pregnancy, there are concerns. With any child, there are worries. When you have a diagnosis of Down syndrome, you know what to worry about. You know what to look for. You have a plan of action. With your typical child, there is no limit to the things that can 'go wrong' or 'happen.' There's no place to focus your worry and concerns. 'IT' will always be out there, waiting. You'll always be on guard. Even when the child is 55 and has grandchildren. With Down syndrome we have a battle plan. With Down syndrome, there is a finite number of things that can go awry. With a typical child, there's isn't. It's a crap shoot. I'm sticking with the Ds and taking the other two back to the hospital for a refund.

Head Above Water

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Friday, February 26, 2010

The Orater

Today Jack-Snack engaged in back and forth babbling with me for about three whole minutes! It was so much fun and it was the first time he has ever done that! Then he grinned really big and then scrunched up his shoulders and looked away like he was suddenly shy! How fun! What a sweet boy!

Jax has increased his meals to 7 ounces every three to four hours now. And he is making groups of 2 or 3 cooing sounds to the mobile above his swing! I just love watching him! He seems to have made up a game for himself of sucking on his tongue and making smacking sounds with it and he does it all the while when looking up at his mobile.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Big Sis & a New Mom

15 weeks! We went for a visit first thing this morning with My Big Sis! She made us breakfast and we visited her for an hour and a half of snuggling and playing on the floor with William. We walked around her back yard and looked at the enormous Koi in her pond. I don't think Jack could focus on them but he did notice the splashing sound when food was thrown to the fish! We love Our Auntie D and we're always sad when we have to part.

Another stop was to meet a gal who I will call Jen. She is a second time Mom and her baby is due May 6th. He will have Down syndrome, so Jackie-Boy and I met her for lunch so she could see for herself just how wonderful babies with extra chromosomes are...pretty much just like babies without extra chromosomes. She held him and snuggled him and he did his baby thing.

Jax has been taking bout 6 ounces these days, but this afternoon after he'd eaten 5 ounces he was still doing the starving suckling on every patch of skin and he wolfed down another 3 ounces! Happily! Piggy! It must have been all of his travels today - wore him out with all of that sleeping in the car!

He smiles when I play “Cheekies” with him. I squeeze his cheeks several times then slide my finger down his nose, lips and chin, naming them as I go! It never fails to get a little smile out of him! He seems to like it when I nibble on his chin, and he really loves it when I hold him up to suck on my chin! He goes after my chin like he can suck spun gold out of it!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

15 Weeks Tomorrow...

...and his Christmas outfit still fits two months later.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Regional Center

Today we met Kimmie from the Regional Center. She came to our home to evaluate William to see what services he would benefit from. Will wasn't too impressed with many of the goings on - he pretty much just slept. But it was a good visit, and I really liked Kimmie and I think we're finally on the road to getting some therapies for The Dear Little One!

Friday, February 19, 2010

When Good Babies Go Bad...

Willie is sure to regret that one night of drunken debauchery when he sees his new tattoo!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Gassy Boy

Will is taking 5 ounces these days, but tonight poor William was having a screaming gassy tummy. It's awful when this happens. He cries so hard and so loud and turns twenty shades of red. It kills me to see him suffering so, and it happens so suddenly. I put him on the hard floor in front of me to work out the gas by drumming on his tummy and then pushing his knees into his tummy in clockwise circles to move the gas along. Jack usually stops howling when I start beating on his belly, but this time he was having sharp stabbing gas pain and then he'd tense his belly and start howling again with the trembling bottom lip. The Dear Daddy couldn't bear the screaming pain he was in either and joined us on the floor, bad back and all, bent over at the waist and leaning on his elbows to hold Will's bottle for him so he would relax enough that I could work on his gas. It is heartbreaking when he cries like that and I think his Daddy was about to cry too. Really. His eyes were wet. The Beloved spoke tenderly to Jack and stroked his forehead and made goofy faces at him. He sympathized with him, "I know Baby Head, that hurts. You have to get that stuff out of there. That's why Mom's pounding on your belly. It's okay Baby Head, you'll feel better in a few minutes." Jack never took his eyes off of him, even smiled around his bottle before going back to mad frantic sucking. Every few minutes he would tense up and bear down and the farties came rolling out in long toots. Once the gas was relieved, The Dear Daddy stayed on the floor, sitting now, playing with Willie and talking silly to him. Will kept smiling and smiling up at him. Then he gave him two really big grins! Both of The Olders were in bed and it was just The Dear Daddy, Will and I sitting on the floor playing together, but really, I could have left the room and neither of them would have noticed - they only had eyes for each other! And it makes my heart go pitter patter for The Beloved all the more.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Valentine's Day with My Boys

Today is Valentine's Day. The Beloved is working and My Girlie is at a sleepover with The Other Mommy, so I spent the day hanging out with my boys! We did a little shopping and then the three of us had a nice lunch out. Willie slept through the whole thing, but The Middle and I had a "date" with each other, complete with bread before the meal and linen napkins and a fresh flower on the table! Sweet!

"Hey! I'm awake now! Wake up and play with me!"

Monday, February 8, 2010

Meeting My Boy

Jax is 12 weeks and 4 days old. We finally had that connect today, that one where you hold your baby and he looks into your eyes for the first time and you bond. Most Mommy's have this moment at birth. But we finally had ours. Finally. It was that wondering inquiry usually reserved for meeting one's Mama for the first time. He really looked at me for the first time. I thought it would never happen. I've always been the face above the bottle, above the diaper, above the car seat, above the cradle. But today he looked at me!

And he hasn't stopped looking at me. He's still all business while he's eating, but after he finished, he went right back to looking at me. At nap time this afternoon he kept looking at me instead of me just gazing at him. After about 15 minutes he must have decided that I'd still be there when he woke up because he finally went to sleep.

Once the kids were off to bed this evening, Jax and I settled on the couch to watch a chick flick and look into each other's eyes. And he gave me two big grins! I'm falling in love with him all over again. I feel like I've finally met him. And I told him so. While we swayed around the room together.

It turns out that I AM happy in this new world baby William has shown me!


All I really need is my binky!

Tummy time!

Friday, February 5, 2010

Thursday, February 4, 2010

12 Weeks Old

My Sweet Little Dolly is the light of my life!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Mirror, Mirror...

From Jack's reflection he does not look like he's enjoying himself, however that is only because he stops smiling when I take a picture! Plus, he was having quite a little chat with that baby in the mirror! I think 'they' were comparing notes on diapering techniques and feeding schedules!
This was the first time The Snork always turned onto his side for a specific reason, and to a preferred side at that. Not once did he turn onto his side away from the mirror. And he did it over and over again, wind-milling his legs until he'd gotten enough momentum to get onto his side. Once balanced just so, he'd resume his chatter! And...over and over again, all the while keeping up a steady chat with himself! As soon as he tuckered out he'd let himself fall back to have a little rest. Then he'd start swinging those legs again and over he'd go! Smart boy!He can't quite get his little grabbers to work well enough to "catch" the ladybug or the bee, but he did knock the mirror over several times! He is quite the conversationalist these days!And his new little friend is such a great listener! He never even interrupted once, and always paused to appreciate what Jack was saying!
Jack was tuckered out and ready to get into his burrito wrap after almost an hour of playing with his mirror!

Will's Halloween Costume

My Girlie picked out this costume for Will back in September. I'm thinking there's no way I'm putting my infant in something as macabre as a bag of bones, so I explained that he'd be a good month pending when Halloween came. Then I worried that maybe he wouldn't. The Girlie is sometimes intuitive that way. She gave me the puppy eyes and the wheedling smile, then the "You always say we can't afford it right now," speech. And she offered to pay for it out of her own money. So I gave in. And she jumped up and down and clapped her hands. I was happy to make her happy. And really, it was only $4.88, but it was covered in bones! Yuck! This is the kid who loves rubber rats and plastic bones and takes such delight in hiding plastic spiders on my pillow, in my linens, inside my shoes, on my hairbrush... Danged kid! And I let her keep her money. No matter that Will was 11.5 weeks old when he finally fit in it, The Girlie was thrilled to come home from school and see Jax in her outfit!