Wonders Never Cease!

I'd gotten up early to feed Jack and once he was burped and happy I snuggled back into bed with The Beloved. I woke hours later to an empty bed and an empty cradle. So I turned over and went back to sleep! All too soon The Beloved was shaking me gently and saying, "Time to wake up. That baby in there is hungry and wants you to feed him! I tried but he doesn't think I'm doing it right." So I got my sleepy self up and while my feet were getting acquainted with the floor, he said something amazing and I nearly dropped to my knees! "I changed him." What? He changed his diaper??? "No, I changed the baby. We have a better one now. One that's not full of poop!" I recovered from my shock and wandered out to a nearly naked Jack, doing his "Uuuummm, uuuummm, uuuummm" sound that he makes when he's hungry, while The Beloved detailed the atrocities found in the toxic diaper. "That baby! Right there. He's the one that made that diaper bomb!" He went on and on about the size, the odor, the texture, even the shape! "It was like a pancake. It was all flat and pasty and stuck to his butt and all smeared up his back and it smelled B-A-D! It was all stuck to his parts and as soon as I got the thing open he started googling and kicking and getting it all over the place!" Nearly half way through Jack's bottle, The Beloved stopped for breath and I asked, "What did you do with the diaper?" He said he put it in the 'diaper thing.'

Eventually I took a trip down the hall to the nursery. Having heard that the poop was smeared up his back, I expected a mess in the nursery and a poopy sleeper that needed soaking in a pre-wash. There was the sleeper, on the changing table, all laid out and open, just as The Beloved had left it when he lifted Jack out of it. And it was pristine. No poop globs, smears, streaks. Nothing. So I got suspicious and curious about this 'monster diaper.' Dare I pull it out of the Diaper Genie? I've stuffed massively poopy diapers into that thing and it's a real trick to get the diaper shoved down in there without pulling out an arm smeared with the stuff you were trying to get rid of in the first place. Dare I dig it out? Turns out that I didn't have to. The Beloved had opened the lid and set the diaper in it. In the top. Where it still sat. Because the Diaper Genie doesn't magically suck the offending diaper down into it's depths to be magically disposed of and never to be seen again! So I pulled it out. And the poop was a pasty pancake all right. And about the size you'd get if you rolled a walnut to a thickness of 3/8's of an inch. Oh wait. That is the size of a walnut. But as I returned the living room where The Dear Daddy was burping a happy Jack, I said nothing. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. I'm just happy that he finally changed a diaper, and still surprised that he started with a poopy one. And it was lovely that he let me sleep! "I tried to feed him so you could sleep a little longer but he kept fussing and I think he was looking for you. He missed you." Sweet!

Post Script: On Tuesday, The Beloved not only changed a pee diaper, he volunteered to change a another poopy!