...And in the air, the fireflies, our only light in paradise. We'll show the world that they were wrong, and teach them all to sing along; singing Amen I, I'm alive. Amen I, I'm alive...

- Nickelback, If Everyone Cared

For All The Right Reasons Album

And I'm singing Aaa-ayyy-men, I'm alive!

William Leonidas November 12th, 2009
My only regret is that I cried so many tears while I waited for you.

"...I'll try ~ but it's so hard to believe. I'll try ~ but I can't see what you see. I'll try and try to understand the distance between the love I feel ~ the thing I fear ~ and every single dream. I can finally see it. Now I have to believe all those precious stories. All the world is made of faith ~ and trust ~ and pixie dust. So I'll try ~ because I finally believe. I'll try ~ because I can see what you see. I'll try, I'll try ~ to fly..."

Jonatha Brooke "I'll try"

Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..." Jeremiah 1:4-5

For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well. Psalms 139:13-14

Monday March 5th, 2010

So Why Stinkerie?

It's simple, really. It's the first thing I whispered against my newborn little Dumpling's temple as I held him alone for that very first time. "There's my Little Stinkerie." And all was right with the world as I brushed my lips across his delicate dewy soft newborn-pink skin and sniffed at his sparse smattering of downy soft hair. Corny and sappy, huh? I can't help it when describing my new Little Puppy. But don't get used to it - I have been told I am "irreverent."

Anyway, it just came out and he's been Stinkerie ever since. As well as Stink Pie, Stink Pot, Stinkey Pete, Little Stinks, Stinks, Puppy, Ducky, Baby, Baby Head, Baby Head Jenkins, Jack, Jack-Jack, Jackie Boy, Jax, Snork, Snorkis, Snorkle, Billy Boy, Billy Bob, Bobby Sue, Billy-Joe-Jim-Bob, Will, Willie, Willister, and the name given by my mentor turned friend Beth - Snake. When I write to her I call him either The Snakester or Slither! And of course, Dumpling, because he is my Little Dumpling - warm and soft and comforting. It's alright to combine comfort food with baby names, right? Have you ever watched the movie Where the Heart Is? If you have, you'll know why I mention this in my defense!

Long story short, you're likely to encounter any one or more of these names in a single post. Because I can. It's my blog!

Something to Consider

Bad decisions make good stories.

Something to Think About

With any pregnancy, there are concerns. With any child, there are worries. When you have a diagnosis of Down syndrome, you know what to worry about. You know what to look for. You have a plan of action. With your typical child, there is no limit to the things that can 'go wrong' or 'happen.' There's no place to focus your worry and concerns. 'IT' will always be out there, waiting. You'll always be on guard. Even when the child is 55 and has grandchildren. With Down syndrome we have a battle plan. With Down syndrome, there is a finite number of things that can go awry. With a typical child, there's isn't. It's a crap shoot. I'm sticking with the Ds and taking the other two back to the hospital for a refund.

Head Above Water

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Sunday, May 24, 2009

12 weeks

Wow, 12 weeks! I'm still feeling pretty well. Some of the fatigue has dissipated. The Titty Fairy has definitely been a visiting! They are quite tender but I've had extremely little nausea. My appetite is intense. I wake up hungry. I first noticed my appetite about a month ago. I'm eating 3 nutritious meals a day, plus having a high protein snack several times a day. And orange juice is my new favorite drink of all time! I'm still listening by Doppler twice a day, sometimes more. Sometimes I hear it immediately, a reassuring sound, and other times I have to really hunt for it. I can usually hear movement, and now and then I can feel distinct movement while I'm listening to the baby moving! This baby is really active, more so than The Oldest or The Youngest. Sometimes it seems that I can see the Doppler rise a little when Newest kicks against it. And the spotting has not resumed. Maybe we'll make it. I'm still fighting against embracing a surge of hope. I still pray many times a day to God that He will keep my baby safe. I have a nagging fear of chromosomal abnormalities, given my age. That was the reason for "Well..." upon learning that we were having another baby. That is the most likely cause for Hannah's early loss. So when I think about the baby I also send a prayer up. I beg God to keep the baby safe and free from abnormalities. I tell Him that I will still love the baby no matter what, but I cannot say the words or even think them...so I beg God to make the baby healthy. This goes on about a million times a day.

I've glanced at baby furniture a few times and I am strictly avoiding baby clothing. Returning the stuff I'd bought for Hannah was just too much to experience again if things don't go well. But still, I am 12 weeks along today, and that is a good thing. I've still had no luck finding maternity undies. I may have to resort to those huge pairs of Granny Panties that you find in large bins in the ladies department. They never come in cotton though, it seems like I've only even seen them in nylon. My right leg is actually getting numb from the undies being too tight at the groin. I'm puffed up like a blow fish from the waste down and the Underwear War is starting to have alarming implications.

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