...And in the air, the fireflies, our only light in paradise. We'll show the world that they were wrong, and teach them all to sing along; singing Amen I, I'm alive. Amen I, I'm alive...

- Nickelback, If Everyone Cared

For All The Right Reasons Album

And I'm singing Aaa-ayyy-men, I'm alive!

William Leonidas November 12th, 2009
My only regret is that I cried so many tears while I waited for you.

"...I'll try ~ but it's so hard to believe. I'll try ~ but I can't see what you see. I'll try and try to understand the distance between the love I feel ~ the thing I fear ~ and every single dream. I can finally see it. Now I have to believe all those precious stories. All the world is made of faith ~ and trust ~ and pixie dust. So I'll try ~ because I finally believe. I'll try ~ because I can see what you see. I'll try, I'll try ~ to fly..."

Jonatha Brooke "I'll try"

Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..." Jeremiah 1:4-5

For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well. Psalms 139:13-14

Monday March 5th, 2010

So Why Stinkerie?

It's simple, really. It's the first thing I whispered against my newborn little Dumpling's temple as I held him alone for that very first time. "There's my Little Stinkerie." And all was right with the world as I brushed my lips across his delicate dewy soft newborn-pink skin and sniffed at his sparse smattering of downy soft hair. Corny and sappy, huh? I can't help it when describing my new Little Puppy. But don't get used to it - I have been told I am "irreverent."

Anyway, it just came out and he's been Stinkerie ever since. As well as Stink Pie, Stink Pot, Stinkey Pete, Little Stinks, Stinks, Puppy, Ducky, Baby, Baby Head, Baby Head Jenkins, Jack, Jack-Jack, Jackie Boy, Jax, Snork, Snorkis, Snorkle, Billy Boy, Billy Bob, Bobby Sue, Billy-Joe-Jim-Bob, Will, Willie, Willister, and the name given by my mentor turned friend Beth - Snake. When I write to her I call him either The Snakester or Slither! And of course, Dumpling, because he is my Little Dumpling - warm and soft and comforting. It's alright to combine comfort food with baby names, right? Have you ever watched the movie Where the Heart Is? If you have, you'll know why I mention this in my defense!

Long story short, you're likely to encounter any one or more of these names in a single post. Because I can. It's my blog!

Something to Consider

Bad decisions make good stories.

Something to Think About

With any pregnancy, there are concerns. With any child, there are worries. When you have a diagnosis of Down syndrome, you know what to worry about. You know what to look for. You have a plan of action. With your typical child, there is no limit to the things that can 'go wrong' or 'happen.' There's no place to focus your worry and concerns. 'IT' will always be out there, waiting. You'll always be on guard. Even when the child is 55 and has grandchildren. With Down syndrome we have a battle plan. With Down syndrome, there is a finite number of things that can go awry. With a typical child, there's isn't. It's a crap shoot. I'm sticking with the Ds and taking the other two back to the hospital for a refund.

Head Above Water

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Sunday, June 28, 2009

17 Weeks, Through a Child's Eyes, and Miss Clairol

Wow! I've made it to 17 weeks already. On one hand it has taken forever to get here. On the other hand, I still cannot get my head around the idea that we are having another baby. I'm trying very hard to just be hopeful and look forward. The instant I saw that word on the pee stick those short months ago, I've just had this feeling, this secret, that I can't quite get over. I'm still not willing to say the words out loud. But it's out there. It's waiting. Now that I've had the amniocentesis, I feel as though I have a 'Date with Destiny.' And it's only day 4 of the two week countdown until results of the test.

These days I cannot undress, change clothes, shower, or even go pee without the Dear Daughter intruding on my space. She wants to know why certain things are bigger, and darker. She wants to know why my lower half is "huge Mom!" and the middle is only "a little 'huger,' " and why my face, arms and neck are still "pretty much the same." She is truly in wonder over the changes happening to my body. Today's' offering for her perusal is a faint but distinct Linea Negra. I didn't get that with my other pregnancies, but I certainly have it with this one. Does that mean a brunette and brown-eyed baby? I don't think it does, but who knows? She is constantly touching me somewhere and asking questions. It's actually kinda fun. Kinda. Until she wants to know why my butt is suddenly floppy. Or why "these" are hotter than the rest of my skin. And why my palms are bright pink. And why I'm getting "spots" on my face. And why are my moles getting darker. It goes on and on, but it is kinda fun.

At least it was until the guy at AM/PM asked me if I was spending the day with my grand kids. Last week it was the guy at Carl's Jr, then the witch at Taco Bell (she was all of 20 years old and simply aghast when I cupped my round belly and said we were having another one too!) and a few days later some lady shopping at Walden books. Dang. I must need a date with Miss Clairol. And some make up. And a spa day. And a big box of See's milk chocolate Bordeaux candies.

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