...And in the air, the fireflies, our only light in paradise. We'll show the world that they were wrong, and teach them all to sing along; singing Amen I, I'm alive. Amen I, I'm alive...

- Nickelback, If Everyone Cared

For All The Right Reasons Album

And I'm singing Aaa-ayyy-men, I'm alive!

William Leonidas November 12th, 2009
My only regret is that I cried so many tears while I waited for you.

"...I'll try ~ but it's so hard to believe. I'll try ~ but I can't see what you see. I'll try and try to understand the distance between the love I feel ~ the thing I fear ~ and every single dream. I can finally see it. Now I have to believe all those precious stories. All the world is made of faith ~ and trust ~ and pixie dust. So I'll try ~ because I finally believe. I'll try ~ because I can see what you see. I'll try, I'll try ~ to fly..."

Jonatha Brooke "I'll try"

Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..." Jeremiah 1:4-5

For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well. Psalms 139:13-14

Monday March 5th, 2010

So Why Stinkerie?

It's simple, really. It's the first thing I whispered against my newborn little Dumpling's temple as I held him alone for that very first time. "There's my Little Stinkerie." And all was right with the world as I brushed my lips across his delicate dewy soft newborn-pink skin and sniffed at his sparse smattering of downy soft hair. Corny and sappy, huh? I can't help it when describing my new Little Puppy. But don't get used to it - I have been told I am "irreverent."

Anyway, it just came out and he's been Stinkerie ever since. As well as Stink Pie, Stink Pot, Stinkey Pete, Little Stinks, Stinks, Puppy, Ducky, Baby, Baby Head, Baby Head Jenkins, Jack, Jack-Jack, Jackie Boy, Jax, Snork, Snorkis, Snorkle, Billy Boy, Billy Bob, Bobby Sue, Billy-Joe-Jim-Bob, Will, Willie, Willister, and the name given by my mentor turned friend Beth - Snake. When I write to her I call him either The Snakester or Slither! And of course, Dumpling, because he is my Little Dumpling - warm and soft and comforting. It's alright to combine comfort food with baby names, right? Have you ever watched the movie Where the Heart Is? If you have, you'll know why I mention this in my defense!

Long story short, you're likely to encounter any one or more of these names in a single post. Because I can. It's my blog!

Something to Consider

Bad decisions make good stories.

Something to Think About

With any pregnancy, there are concerns. With any child, there are worries. When you have a diagnosis of Down syndrome, you know what to worry about. You know what to look for. You have a plan of action. With your typical child, there is no limit to the things that can 'go wrong' or 'happen.' There's no place to focus your worry and concerns. 'IT' will always be out there, waiting. You'll always be on guard. Even when the child is 55 and has grandchildren. With Down syndrome we have a battle plan. With Down syndrome, there is a finite number of things that can go awry. With a typical child, there's isn't. It's a crap shoot. I'm sticking with the Ds and taking the other two back to the hospital for a refund.

Head Above Water

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Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas Day!

Jack surrounded by his presents for his very first Christmas! I'm going to pretend I can't see the stains on his sleeper! I'd appreciate it if you did too!

And it wouldn't be Christmas without a little something from Santa Claus! After all, he's been such a good boy!

For some reason this picture just grabs my heart!

He's no more interested is the presents now that they've been unwrapped! From the tongue sticking out, I'd say he's more interested in breakfast, preferably back in bed!

And here he is in his Christmas outfit!

Christmas morning at our house is always started with a frenzied scramble to see what Santa left in the Little's stockings! This year, both of The Olders dumped Jack's stocking out all over him to see what Santa brought him - after they'd dumped their own out of course, and checked over all the items too big to fit in their stockings. They brought Jack's 'too big' items over for him to see too! He wasn't much interested. Then we have my favorite Christmas morning breakfast of Christmas Morning Casserole. Only this year we didn't. The Oldest says she doesn't really like it. I turn to The Beloved for support, to which he says, "It is kind of heavy." Heavy? I'll show you heavy! Just wait til I...okay so this year we will not gather 'round the breakfast table for a sweet old fashioned memory making holiday meal while The Littles nag us with "Are we done yet?" and The Parents languish just a little longer, nourishing themselves for the battle ahead. The battle of wires, tapes, screws, zippy ties and all other manner of insanity that is used these days by manufacturers to drive parents nuts while their Littles stand anxiously by waiting for the toy o' the moment to be liberated from it's straight jacket friendly packaging. I have upon occasion been known to "gift" first time new parents with a set of his and hers screw drivers, scissors, wire nippers and needle nosed pliers for their new child's first Christmas. I instruct them to save them in a special place for said new child's first birthday. After that, if they lose them, they're on their own!

So this year we skipped breakfast and girded ourselves with cups of Joe and went to it. The Littles brought treasures galore for us to open, cut, detape, un-wire, de-zippy tie and unscrew, all the while tearing open new toys to lay at our feet for de-packaging. Every now and then, one of us would make a run to the recycle bin to unload mounds of wrapping and empty boxes...with both of us making sure that said boxes were actually indeed empty. You only have to sort through the days accumulation of wrap and empty boxes for a 3/4" Barbie accessory once before you learn to never make that mistake again! Ever!

Before The Beloveds eyes could completely glaze over I asked, "What are we going to do next year?" Apparently he was thinking the same thing. "I don't know...hire help? Teach them to do this themselves? Oh, I don't know...stop buying so much?!?!" Yeah, that won't happen. But there will be three of 'them' next year and still only two of 'us.' We're in trouble!

So that vow I made on Thanksgiving to cook a "real" dinner on Christmas? Didn't happen! I put My Sweet Potato down for a nap and headed out the door to see what kind of fast food could be foraged for on national holiday and found that the only game in town was Jack in the Box. And everyone else in town who was also too worn out to cook had gotten there ahead of me! I did note when I drove away with our holiday meal that the line was twice as long as it had been when I pulled in! And it did taste good! We got one of everything on the menu almost. Just for myself I ordered a cheeseburger plain, extra pickles, and egg roll, one taco, potato wedges with cheese and bacon, and onion rings. The Beloved has gotten used to my frequent habit of not being able to decide what to eat and infrequently, upon occasion, ordering two entrees. He said nothing as I unloaded the loot into each recipients pile around the table, and my pile of goodies just kept growing, but oh the eyes! I simply said, "It takes more calories to make milk!" Wisely, he said nothing. And we were not the only ones to hit Jack in the Box. I called Mom and Dad in Idaho while I waited in the drive through line. Turns out their turkey dinner was also postponed to the next day and the local Jack's was also the only game in town in Idaho. But the turkey is thawed, so I will be making a proper turkey dinner soon!

And as soon as I walked in the door laden with Jack in the Box goodies, I heard my boy making noise. Not from the intercom - from the living room! "Do you want to talk to your son?" asks The Beloved. My little June Bug was laying in the crack of the couch cushions next to his Daddy. It seems I wasn't even out of the driveway before Mr Man was hollering to be liberated from his confinement. The Beloved swears, "He looked over to the big bed and saw you weren't in there so he decided he shouldn't be in his either!" So, our sweet spud sat in his swing pulled up to the table while we feasted on our deep fried and dipped in something dinner. Mmmmmmm!

The Little Tater Tot rolled over tonight! The Beloved and I were in our bedroom and I'd laid Jack tummy down on our big soft goose-down-everything bed. Well, let me tell you he was not happy about being on his tummy. He fussed and crab crawled with his legs and - flip - over he went! I looked at The Beloved and he looked at me. "Does that count?" He says it does, but I say he was on a really soft surface so maybe it didn't count. So...we haul Jack back out to the living room and place him sunny side down on the very firm couch cushions and - flip - over he went. Just to be sure, we tormented him by making him do it one more time. Yep! That definitely counts! We've got a flipper on our hands!

I find it really hard to sleep at night sometimes, well, frequently, actually, because I'd rather stare at William. Especially at nap times or when the Dear Daddy isn't there and Willie is right next to me in my bed. In his doughnut!

Willie is back up to 4 ounces at each feeding without spitting half of it up! And he smiles frequently now at nothing in particular, so I cannot say for certain that it isn't just a bubble in his tummy. And he's got a particular little bit of fussiness he does when he wants me to snuggle him to sleep. He is perfectly happy to fall asleep wherever the mood strikes him, but when he wants me to snuggle him he does this "Aaank! Aaank! Aaank!" sound. I am only too happy to comply! So I snuggle him up like I would if I were going to nurse him, pop his plug into his waiting mouth, and hold him belly to belly. He is off to dream land in seconds! He is just too sweet.

Merry Christmas 2009! And I did make my yummy Christmas Morning Casserole a few days later for The Middle and I to enjoy!

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