...And in the air, the fireflies, our only light in paradise. We'll show the world that they were wrong, and teach them all to sing along; singing Amen I, I'm alive. Amen I, I'm alive...

- Nickelback, If Everyone Cared

For All The Right Reasons Album

And I'm singing Aaa-ayyy-men, I'm alive!

William Leonidas November 12th, 2009
My only regret is that I cried so many tears while I waited for you.

"...I'll try ~ but it's so hard to believe. I'll try ~ but I can't see what you see. I'll try and try to understand the distance between the love I feel ~ the thing I fear ~ and every single dream. I can finally see it. Now I have to believe all those precious stories. All the world is made of faith ~ and trust ~ and pixie dust. So I'll try ~ because I finally believe. I'll try ~ because I can see what you see. I'll try, I'll try ~ to fly..."

Jonatha Brooke "I'll try"

Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..." Jeremiah 1:4-5

For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well. Psalms 139:13-14

Monday March 5th, 2010

So Why Stinkerie?

It's simple, really. It's the first thing I whispered against my newborn little Dumpling's temple as I held him alone for that very first time. "There's my Little Stinkerie." And all was right with the world as I brushed my lips across his delicate dewy soft newborn-pink skin and sniffed at his sparse smattering of downy soft hair. Corny and sappy, huh? I can't help it when describing my new Little Puppy. But don't get used to it - I have been told I am "irreverent."

Anyway, it just came out and he's been Stinkerie ever since. As well as Stink Pie, Stink Pot, Stinkey Pete, Little Stinks, Stinks, Puppy, Ducky, Baby, Baby Head, Baby Head Jenkins, Jack, Jack-Jack, Jackie Boy, Jax, Snork, Snorkis, Snorkle, Billy Boy, Billy Bob, Bobby Sue, Billy-Joe-Jim-Bob, Will, Willie, Willister, and the name given by my mentor turned friend Beth - Snake. When I write to her I call him either The Snakester or Slither! And of course, Dumpling, because he is my Little Dumpling - warm and soft and comforting. It's alright to combine comfort food with baby names, right? Have you ever watched the movie Where the Heart Is? If you have, you'll know why I mention this in my defense!

Long story short, you're likely to encounter any one or more of these names in a single post. Because I can. It's my blog!

Something to Consider

Bad decisions make good stories.

Something to Think About

With any pregnancy, there are concerns. With any child, there are worries. When you have a diagnosis of Down syndrome, you know what to worry about. You know what to look for. You have a plan of action. With your typical child, there is no limit to the things that can 'go wrong' or 'happen.' There's no place to focus your worry and concerns. 'IT' will always be out there, waiting. You'll always be on guard. Even when the child is 55 and has grandchildren. With Down syndrome we have a battle plan. With Down syndrome, there is a finite number of things that can go awry. With a typical child, there's isn't. It's a crap shoot. I'm sticking with the Ds and taking the other two back to the hospital for a refund.

Head Above Water

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Monday, March 29, 2010

A Good Morning

Today My Snooks is 19 weeks and 4 days old. I am so glad that he is so willing to follow my schedule! I tucked him into bed at 2 am this morning. He awoke me cooing at about 11 am, ready to eat. So the noon hour found us in my big rocking chair, seeing who could smile the biggest and who could speak the silliest. He is a delightful morning companion, especially when he decides that my best efforts at getting a smile out of him should be rewarded with a giggle! He did plenty of that while I held him! Does he still have Down syndrome? Really? Because I can't see it!

As I type, The Willister is sitting in his swing, sans motion, right behind me. He is carrying on a heated discussion with the loopy links attached to the over head mobile. He seems to know that the things attached to his left hand and foot make a delightful musical sound when he moves them. How do I know this? Because those parts were not moving when I attached them to his right foot and hand. The rights were. Now that they're on the left, it's all about shaking the left. And about the swing...sometimes he clearly does not like to swing. He wants it still. And he smiles when I stop the motion.

I tried at least 20 times to capture the smiles that accompany his staccato bursts of laughter. What resulted is about 20 pictures of his arm in his face, his eyes closed, his head turned, his mouth open, and what you get the instant after he stops smiling and laughing. So I gave up. Decided a little video might best serve my mission. Found the battery dead and could not locate any blank tapes. Dang! So here is what I did get...

So far in this blog I have written from my journal and from memory. Hence the absence of much commentary since Will's birth. And the long spaces between posts while I grappled silently with the diagnosis of Down syndrome before he was born. Today I decided to just be in the moment, rather than go back to where I left off once the Kiddles are in bed. They are still on Easter vacation, and that is how The Puppy and I got to sleep until 11 this morning! On the posts where I pretty much just say what he ate that day, I truly did do more than just feed him. I was too busy taking him in to journal more. I was busy soaking him up, staring at him, smelling him, hanging on every sigh and sound he made. And I was tired! Very, very tired. It's only been this last month that I feel like I did before I got pregnant, and have seen any sort of return of my previous energy. There is a good reason God made women to have babies in their younger years!

And now the noises coming from behind me are very clearly the grumbles that say, "Hey! Lady! Enough with all this stimulation already! I'm tired and I want a snuggle with my Mommy!" Better go rescue him.

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