...And in the air, the fireflies, our only light in paradise. We'll show the world that they were wrong, and teach them all to sing along; singing Amen I, I'm alive. Amen I, I'm alive...

- Nickelback, If Everyone Cared

For All The Right Reasons Album

And I'm singing Aaa-ayyy-men, I'm alive!

William Leonidas November 12th, 2009
My only regret is that I cried so many tears while I waited for you.

"...I'll try ~ but it's so hard to believe. I'll try ~ but I can't see what you see. I'll try and try to understand the distance between the love I feel ~ the thing I fear ~ and every single dream. I can finally see it. Now I have to believe all those precious stories. All the world is made of faith ~ and trust ~ and pixie dust. So I'll try ~ because I finally believe. I'll try ~ because I can see what you see. I'll try, I'll try ~ to fly..."

Jonatha Brooke "I'll try"

Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..." Jeremiah 1:4-5

For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well. Psalms 139:13-14

Monday March 5th, 2010

So Why Stinkerie?

It's simple, really. It's the first thing I whispered against my newborn little Dumpling's temple as I held him alone for that very first time. "There's my Little Stinkerie." And all was right with the world as I brushed my lips across his delicate dewy soft newborn-pink skin and sniffed at his sparse smattering of downy soft hair. Corny and sappy, huh? I can't help it when describing my new Little Puppy. But don't get used to it - I have been told I am "irreverent."

Anyway, it just came out and he's been Stinkerie ever since. As well as Stink Pie, Stink Pot, Stinkey Pete, Little Stinks, Stinks, Puppy, Ducky, Baby, Baby Head, Baby Head Jenkins, Jack, Jack-Jack, Jackie Boy, Jax, Snork, Snorkis, Snorkle, Billy Boy, Billy Bob, Bobby Sue, Billy-Joe-Jim-Bob, Will, Willie, Willister, and the name given by my mentor turned friend Beth - Snake. When I write to her I call him either The Snakester or Slither! And of course, Dumpling, because he is my Little Dumpling - warm and soft and comforting. It's alright to combine comfort food with baby names, right? Have you ever watched the movie Where the Heart Is? If you have, you'll know why I mention this in my defense!

Long story short, you're likely to encounter any one or more of these names in a single post. Because I can. It's my blog!

Something to Consider

Bad decisions make good stories.

Something to Think About

With any pregnancy, there are concerns. With any child, there are worries. When you have a diagnosis of Down syndrome, you know what to worry about. You know what to look for. You have a plan of action. With your typical child, there is no limit to the things that can 'go wrong' or 'happen.' There's no place to focus your worry and concerns. 'IT' will always be out there, waiting. You'll always be on guard. Even when the child is 55 and has grandchildren. With Down syndrome we have a battle plan. With Down syndrome, there is a finite number of things that can go awry. With a typical child, there's isn't. It's a crap shoot. I'm sticking with the Ds and taking the other two back to the hospital for a refund.

Head Above Water

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Sunday, August 16, 2009

24 Weeks

Well time flies. I have not felt much like keeping track of my journal. I was amazed at how fast the 20th week came around because it seemed to me that I had just logged the 19th week on the calendar and suddenly there was another one down! I'm really struggling hard with the DS diagnosis. I keep reading these bloggers who say they wouldn't change a thing about their DS babies, but I sure as heck would. I want Jack to be healthy and normal. What parent doesn't? Maybe I've moved on to the anger stage.

This coming week I'll see Dr S again and have another look at Jack. I'm sure he's going to remind me that this is my last week to terminate. I don't even want to hear it. My goal now is to keep Jack in there as long as possible so he won't have more health problems. I love little Jack. I just wish the DS was a mistake. It's really put a cloud over the joy of pregnancy.

Since I journaled last I've been back to the endocrinologist. Again I arrived at 1:15 at my appointment time, only to find that I was once again the last patient of the day and I was called in at 4:45. He increased both of my insulins and gave me lee-way to increase another unit of Lispro if need be, which I have. I've also been to the PNC and will continue every two weeks until I deliver. My fundus is above my navel now, and the heartbeat sounded good. Last week I could actually see the baby kicking!

I'm at a stand still on the nursery until we get some extra money. I did buy a Winnie the Pooh crib set, but it's still in the package in case I find something I like better. I bought one water proof mattress pad, and found a suitable color towel to cover the changing pad with. I'll buy more as time goes by. Those changing pad covers get dirty fast. I don't think I will sew them this time though. I think I'll just use safety pins. The elastic was hard to get just right last time, and the folded up product was ungainly and lumpy and took up way too much space. Flat towels will fit much better and will be easier all the way around. I'm seriously considering using pillow cases for the cradle sheets. I'll still have to sew the bumper pads for the cradle, but that should be a small easy project. I even have some spotted fabric and matching ruffled trim that will work nicely with our bedroom decor, is quite baby-ish enough, and isn't overwhelmed by pink. I might even be able to squeeze out enough to make cradle sheets. If not, I'm sure I can find some minty green pillow cases that will match well.

I've been slowly decluttering the front room. That's a huge project. I can't really leave it though, because Jack will come and then we'll need to put up a Christmas tree in that room just two weeks later. I think The Dear Daddy is going to have to do the majority of the the tree buying and set up this year. It would be a good outing for him and the kids. Depending on what date my scheduled C-section is, we might well be celebrating Thanksgiving a week early! If Jack is born the day after Thanksgiving, I can look forward to yummy left overs when we come home from the hopspittle!

The kids have been in school for a week now. The Girlie was accidentally put into a 6th grade class until I discovered the error on Wednesday morning. That was also the first day they'd gotten the bus to school, so she was stressed already about getting on the wrong bus to come home. Poor kid. Then I wound up going to the school at 3:30 to pick them up because the danged bus broke down! I like her new teacher though, and she did not like the other teacher, so it's win-win. And the bus picks them up and drops them off right here at the house! That's going to be extremely convenient. They will be off school for three weeks at Christmas, but only one week and the weekend at Thanksgiving. November is going to be crazy busy. I'll have to get both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner bought, and all their gifts and Jack's bought and wrapped before I leave for the hopspittle.

The Dear Daddy and I talked a little about names. He doesn't like Jack or Liam or Wyatt. He doesn't have any suggestions of his own yet, but at least he's been behaving like he always has before all of this started. I'm glad he's back. I've missed him. I think that until he processd all of this, he had come to see me as the enemy, but really, I was still his partner all along. I'm glad he's back and ready to resume being My Beloved.

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