What?

Every now and then, something still takes me aback. Today it was packing My Li'l Pup's diaper bag and packing a separate one for me. As in a purse. An actual purse. A non-diaper toting vessel designed for all things not baby related. Something a grown woman carries.

Let me explain. It's no news that Jack was a surprise baby. I was just getting my head around the fact that we were indeed having another baby when, low and behold, we were bringing him home. Another newborn. Another baby! And a few weeks later I was standing at the sink washing baby bottles when a few of the brain cells stunned into silence by the positive pregnancy test suddenly woke up and sprang to life! It just hit me. I'm washing baby bottles. Baby Bottles! Do you hear me? Are you listening? My brain was shouting to myself! B-A-B-Y B-O-T-T-L-E-S! For my baby. Not a grand baby or a friend's baby. My baby. At my age. It was surreal. But still good once I shook off the shock and picked my jaw up off the floor.

So this afternoon I am taking all 3 of the Squees over to The Other Mommy's. (BTW, I am not misspelling squeeze. It's Squee. As in little person. Plural of little person.) The Olders are having their fun special time with her, and Jack is tagging along so that The Beloved and I can have another go at our anniversary dinner sans Squees. Then on Saturday night I am going back to work. But I already warned The Other Mommy that I will likely be compelled, driven, to pick up Jack Saturday morning and return him to her on the way to work. She fully expects that either The Beloved and/or I will show up after dinner tonight to collect him.

So back to this story. I get side tracked easily, no? This was just another one of those times when WHAM-O I was gobsmacked by the fact that we have another BABY! And it's not in a bad way by any means. It's like finding the best birthday present you've ever gotten in your life, then forgetting about it briefly while you open other wonderful gifts, and then going back to that totally awesome present you opened a few minutes ago. It's really not a bad thing at all. Maybe like waking up to find that the wonderful dream you were having wasn't a dream after all, and you are really living it. Only it's better than the dream. But it still knocks me off my feet every time it happens. This is my life now. And it ROCKS!

And having remembered the other times I finally was able to transition from a diaper bag full time to a purse all the time, it made my heart silly-happy to remember all the times I'd be fishing for change in the check out line, or Kleenex to wipe a nose or whatever, and out would come toys, quite frequently a screwdriver, a Little Tikes Cow, various little treasures The Girlie had stuffed into my purse, "For Mommy." I never did understand the attraction my daughter had for screw drivers as a toddler, but there was almost always one in my purse. One day Grammy was just leaving our house when I spied the familiar black and yellow handle of a Stanley Phillips head poking out of her bag. I gestured to it. She asked, "Is that yours?" I saw my purse on the table and said, "Nope. I've still got mine!" As she hugged me goodbye she whispered that she'd leave it in the mailbox. Goofy kid.

And that memory led to others. Frequently in the morning I'd wake to find several toys lined up on the edge of the coffee table. These were the treasures The Girlie had lovingly deposited into her Daddy's work shoes to take to work with him. The Dear Daddy, bleary eyed from getting up at 3 am, would shove his feet into his boots, only to have to remove them again after some sharp piece of Lego had permanently crippled his toes. Magnetic alphabet letters. Plastic Easter eggs. McDonald's Happy Meal toys. One time, she'd pulled out a whole box of wipes and stuffed them into his boots one by one. They resembled tissue paper sticking out of a gift bag. You may ask, where was I when this was going on? I don't know. I'm pretty sure it was his turn to watch her while she did that particular trick. Or maybe not. The Dear Daddy still swears, "Every night, the last thing I did was empty my boots and put them by the door. In the morning they're sitting in front of the couch, once again loaded with sharp little toys to shred my feet!" I still remind him that they were her treasures she wanted him to have. "Well it's not so much of a treasure when I pull the bloody stump that used to be my foot out of the boot to find a Barbie doll permanently impaled in my flesh!" But he says it with a big goofy grin.

And so I am rather happily looking forward to all the little delights having another baby brings. Even if the realization that we have another baby still surprises me and catches me off guard sometimes. It's still a really good surprise! And I'm going to cling to that, rather than face the fact that for the first time ever, Jack will be out of my sight for a whole night. Sniffle