Feeding Therapy and Swallow Eval Tomorrow

Slow down.

Eeeesh. Feeding therapy always goes well while Dr Elaine is sitting right here with Jack and I. Jack and I. Jack and me. Me and Jack. Which one is proper? I'd been taught the first version, but I've heard it's no longer proper. A teacher actually told me that 'me and Jack' is now considered proper. Is it? I don't know. I'm sticking with Jack and I. Does proper grammar ever really go out of style? I don't know. But there it is.

Anyway, feeding therapy hasn't gone poorly, but it always goes much better when The Good Doc is there with us. And this past Monday, she really motivated me to step up my game and diligently do Jack's feeding therapy three times a day, instead of the one or mostly two times per day I'd been doing it. In my defense for the twice daily thing, Jack isn't really a morning baby. We've done feeding therapy with Dr Elaine in the mornings, and he's been less enthused, less interested, and much quicker to give us cues that he'd just as soon be done with it. His new trend of being bright and chipper and rarin' to go between 8 and 10 am fit nicely into my new resolve.

And that's where things went awry. I've been diligent to jiggle, swab, Nuk, massage, tap, dip, dive and coach Jack's mouth into compliance. If I were looking for success in terms of consumption, I'd give us both all aces. He's certainly consuming about 95% of what I offer. And that would be 4 ounces of veggies, 4 ounces of fruit, and 2.5 ounces of meat. Plus sips of formula. And he enjoys eating. In terms of the tongue thrusting and lip closure, I'd give me a big fat resounding FAIL. And by mid week, while Jack was still enthusiastically interested in eating when we started out each time, he was clearly not enjoying it nearly as much as he had been by midway through.

And with every little incrementally less successful feeding therapy, I became more and more discouraged. Disheartened. Disinterested. By Friday afternoon I was convinced that I was actually hurting his mouth and I stopped mid way through session #2 of the day. I gave him liquid nutrition all weekend, knowing that Monday afternoon would bring The Good Doc, and with it, a lot of instruction and encouragement.

She found the problem before we even got started. Poor Jack. With the very first preparation exercise, it was clear that I've just been moving too fast for him. My determination to do the right thing, to be diligent and dedicated, to really apply myself 100% to what he needed every single session, I'd turned into this focus driven, crazy, wild, frenetic mass of energy and poor Jack was kinda left to sputter in my dust. Poor, poor Baby Head! Dr Elaine said one simple thing. "Slow down." And that made all the difference!

And once again, we had great success! Within the first few bites, Jack was having great lip closure on the spoon, really good mechanics and organizing of the food in his mouth, swallowing and enjoying his meal! And the very, very best part! He showed off his Mr Ma Goo, or Elmer Fudd, impression to Dr Elaine! It could also be called the Toothless Little Old Man impression, but the point is that after swallowing, he repeatedly kept his lips together and his mouth closed. Completely. With his tongue inside! Two of my favorite people from the ART were here today, Miss KH and Miss BC and the noise and praise and celebration going on while we giggled over Jack's success even infected them! At least twice while they were completing paperwork, I glanced over to see them both watching Jack's every bite, enrapt. These gals love My Puppy Pie and they were clearly very pleased with his success too.

I feel like crap on a cracker that I was rushing Jack's oral motor maneuvers to the extent that he wasn't benefiting from the intent. I wasn't rushing to get the exercises done. I know the process takes some time and I always start out with each tool laid out at hand. We progress through each tool with fun and cheery talk and move on to the next in the same amount of time as always. The preparation to eat only takes about eight minutes. What is there to rush? I was just moving too quickly with each individual maneuver inside his mouth. And the more poorly he did, the more determined I became. Poor Jack. I'm really kicking myself over this. I know that if this is the biggest mistake I make in his life, he'll be one lucky kid. What hurts me is that he gets stuff, like any other baby. And I hope he wasn't bewildered by his Mommy. I hope he didn't feel my disappointment, because truly, my frustration was not with him, but rather for my failure to figure out what to do. Jack, your Mommy loves you deeply. She's just stupid sometimes. And she hopes she didn't hurt your mouth.

So tomorrow is our much awaited modified barium swallow study. Nine am. Dr Elaine is coming with us! Wish us luck!

I have new pictures to post...tomorrow.