Yeah, It's Me Again

So a few days ago, The Beloved and I were sitting on the couch with Jack, or Waby as he's now going by. Waby, the Beloved and I were playing. I'd called him at work immediately last Wednesday to report to him that "Your son is up on his hands and knees ROCKING!" And every day since then, when he's on the floor playing with Waby, I tell him, "Honey, teach him how to crawl." "Honey, show him how to crawl." "Honey, make him crawl!"

We were talking about how to celebrate the Waby's first birthday. Incidentally, The Beloved gave him that name ~ not his Mommy who loves him way too much to ever do such a thing. So, we've decided on a small little immediate family thing Friday night, his actual birthday, and we'll have cake, ice cream, 1 little candle (!!!!) and presents. The Buddy Walk is two days later, the next Sunday, so we're saving our party hats for the 20th of the month, hoping we won't be tired and cranky for party day. If you're in the area between noon and 6 pm, please do stop in for some cake and ice cream!!! Really...come on over!

So out of the blue, tears are welling in my eyes and I'm trying hard not to let The Beloved see it. But, he knows when I'm upset, even though I was really out of his line of sight, sitting somewhat behind him holding Waby. It's like the air changes or something. He just knows. And he's concerned. So I spill, once I trusted myself to speak and not squeak. I tell him that I'm just now realizing that Jack won't hit any of his milestones before he turns one. The Older Littles took off walking on their first birthdays. Not days before. Not days after. On their first birthdays. We have it on film and on video.

So...The Beloved being The Beloved, said that we knew he would have delays but that he's doing good, so let's not be upset by it. To which I say, me being me, that yes I knew this, and I'd adjusted my sights on smaller goals. Like crawling. Or at least sitting, for crying out loud. To which The Beloved pulled out his grizzly bear and said, "Don't be like that. He's already been hit with more than his fair share of hard knocks, don't put more on him. Cut him some slack." Wow. Not quite the support I was looking for.

So, we agreed that yes he is doing well and that he's healthy, and that it won't matter one whit in five years that he wasn't crawling, sitting, walking on his first birthday. But I was still sniffley. So The Beloved reeled in his claws enough to say, "I know you're a little upset that he's not doing everything the other two did, but try not to be upset while you're holding him because he already knows when you're sad. He loves you so much, more than any one else, and I don't think he understands when you're sad. I don't want him to think it's his fault." Dang. So I said, in my own defense (He was that adamant about it!) "Well it's not as if I walk around all day sobbing with him in my arms. You're just now hearing about this for the first time!" He says he knows, "Just be careful with him, I love him so much."

So yeah, it's me again, struggling just a little with the delays. Any other day of the week, I'm fine with it. I'll be fine with this too. As The Beloved pointed out in a more gentle and kinder tone, he's going to be our little baby longer than than the other two were. And that is a fine thing. Fine, indeed.