...And in the air, the fireflies, our only light in paradise. We'll show the world that they were wrong, and teach them all to sing along; singing Amen I, I'm alive. Amen I, I'm alive...

- Nickelback, If Everyone Cared

For All The Right Reasons Album

And I'm singing Aaa-ayyy-men, I'm alive!

William Leonidas November 12th, 2009
My only regret is that I cried so many tears while I waited for you.

"...I'll try ~ but it's so hard to believe. I'll try ~ but I can't see what you see. I'll try and try to understand the distance between the love I feel ~ the thing I fear ~ and every single dream. I can finally see it. Now I have to believe all those precious stories. All the world is made of faith ~ and trust ~ and pixie dust. So I'll try ~ because I finally believe. I'll try ~ because I can see what you see. I'll try, I'll try ~ to fly..."

Jonatha Brooke "I'll try"

Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..." Jeremiah 1:4-5

For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well. Psalms 139:13-14

Monday March 5th, 2010

So Why Stinkerie?

It's simple, really. It's the first thing I whispered against my newborn little Dumpling's temple as I held him alone for that very first time. "There's my Little Stinkerie." And all was right with the world as I brushed my lips across his delicate dewy soft newborn-pink skin and sniffed at his sparse smattering of downy soft hair. Corny and sappy, huh? I can't help it when describing my new Little Puppy. But don't get used to it - I have been told I am "irreverent."

Anyway, it just came out and he's been Stinkerie ever since. As well as Stink Pie, Stink Pot, Stinkey Pete, Little Stinks, Stinks, Puppy, Ducky, Baby, Baby Head, Baby Head Jenkins, Jack, Jack-Jack, Jackie Boy, Jax, Snork, Snorkis, Snorkle, Billy Boy, Billy Bob, Bobby Sue, Billy-Joe-Jim-Bob, Will, Willie, Willister, and the name given by my mentor turned friend Beth - Snake. When I write to her I call him either The Snakester or Slither! And of course, Dumpling, because he is my Little Dumpling - warm and soft and comforting. It's alright to combine comfort food with baby names, right? Have you ever watched the movie Where the Heart Is? If you have, you'll know why I mention this in my defense!

Long story short, you're likely to encounter any one or more of these names in a single post. Because I can. It's my blog!

Something to Consider

Bad decisions make good stories.

Something to Think About

With any pregnancy, there are concerns. With any child, there are worries. When you have a diagnosis of Down syndrome, you know what to worry about. You know what to look for. You have a plan of action. With your typical child, there is no limit to the things that can 'go wrong' or 'happen.' There's no place to focus your worry and concerns. 'IT' will always be out there, waiting. You'll always be on guard. Even when the child is 55 and has grandchildren. With Down syndrome we have a battle plan. With Down syndrome, there is a finite number of things that can go awry. With a typical child, there's isn't. It's a crap shoot. I'm sticking with the Ds and taking the other two back to the hospital for a refund.

Head Above Water

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Monday, January 24, 2011

Just When You Thought You'd Heard It All...

I don't even know how to start this post. So I'll just say it. In the kinda near future, The Dear Daddy and I will be throwing our hats into the adoption ring. Yes, you read right. Pick yourself up off the floor now.

I'd love to say that we'll be adopting from the UK. We won't. We cannot afford it for one, and we would not pass the stringent requirements placed on prospective adoptive parents by a country that pretty much throws these babies and children away. How sick is that? It breaks my heart that I can't save a baby or child from an institution, but there it is.

What we can do is domestic adoption. It's more affordable for one. Our chances of adopting a baby are greater for another. And the kicker is, with babies with Down syndrome, there are much less demands about home size, family income, parental age, etc. So we're in. And it makes my heart absolutely giddy with delight.

When Jack was born the tragedy of how many babies are aborted because of a prenatal diagnosis really struck me harder than it did while I still carried him within me. Learning later that only about 25% of babies with a chromosomal difference survive to be born had me holding his sleeping little self and thanking my God in Heaven that he made it. My heart hurt that he could have died in utero. And finally, I'd heard about Reece's Rainbow, but actually going there and seeing all of those beautiful and worthy babies and children just made my heart ache. Why can't we have one...or four? Why do they make it so difficult for American families to adopt them and love them? Why do they send them away to mental institutions when they turn 5? It kills me. Why not have a Turning 5 Clearance and let all the families who want these children come and get them? It makes no sense and it makes me nuts that I can't do anything about it.

But I can do something here at home. I've long told My Beloved that if we were younger and more financially secure I'd be all over him to adopt a baby with Down syndrome from the UK. And about two months ago I read about the more lax expense and requirements here in the US. And I told The Beloved, who was at that time, holding a squirming, giggling Jack in his arms. And he asked, "What are you thinking? One of these babies? One of these. right. here?" and buried his mustache into Jack's neck to make him squeal with laughter. When the giggles died down, I asked what he thought. I guess he must have know this was coming eventually. He said simply, "I think we can give another baby a good home."

So we've been talking about it here and there. Always with affirmation, as if it were always a foregone conclusion that we would adopt. We were both terrified while I carried Jack. Terrified of Down syndrome and what it would mean for The Baby and our family. And now I almost think that if I could be guaranteed having another baby with Down syndrome, I'd reverse that tubal ligation. Oh. Wait. Jack's pregnancy was really hard. Really Hard! And I am old. And the tubal ligation I had cannot be reversed.

So that brings me to my next news. I've already posted that I have a new job working with special needs children. The next news is that I will even have a title to go with my new job: Clinical Nurse Supervisor. I'll be in the office two days a week filling that role, as well as making home visits and case managing as well. I'll start next week. I can hardly wait. I'd applied for a part time position but the more they spoke with me the more they want me on board full time. What a huge answer to prayer!

And so I am busily making a mental tally of all the things around this house that we will be able to repair now. The list is long. Long! I am mindful of two personal debts that I haven't been able to repay. I will love to cross those off the list in my heart! There are things for The Littles we haven't been able to buy, a swing set to replace our dilapidated one being high on the list! And now, quite possibly, an overhaul on the nursery to accommodate another crib. Not that Jack has actually ever spent one night in his crib yet. I know. We're working on it. The Beloved says, "In the spring we'll move him to his own room." I know he likes Jack nearby where he can hear his snuffles in his sleep, but also, it makes it really easy for The Dear Daddy to scoop him up and nestle him between us. He's a changed man. I have to say, in complete honesty, neither of The Olders were allowed to family bed. Ever. If they wound up there after The Beloved went to work, so be it. But Jack has spent more nights nestled between us, at The Beloved's suggestion, than he has in his cradle three feet away. And now we're talking about adopting a baby like Jack.

So please be prayerful on our behalf.


Holly W said...

get outta here!! that is so fantastic, I can't believe you didn't tell me....

Gabriel's mom said...

I am so happy for your family!

Stephanie said...

Woot! Woot!!!!! I am soooooooooo excited for you!

We are talking about at least doing special needs foster care if we can ever get into our new house. I have no doubts that it will turn into adoption eventually. :)

Can't wait to see your new adventure!

Hugs & prayers!

Stpeh and Christopher

Melissa M said...

Congrats! That is awesome. :)

I'm still hoping to adopt through RR someday...