Today My Girlie accompanied me to my ultra sound with the beloved Dr S. The tech said he'd given her permission to answer all of my questions! She explained every thing she was seeing and measuring and confirming the body parts and telling me what they really were when I guessed wrong a million times. She really is much more at ease now that we all know Jack's little secret. The the beloved Dr S came in looking all doom and gloom. I asked right away, "Do you have more bad news for me?" He smiled and said, "No my dear. The amnio result was the only troubling news I had for you." And it was all pretty good news from there.
Dr S is just far too tired. I've asked before and I asked again today, was I his last appointment for the day? "No, I am sorry to say, you are not. But that will change. No, after you leave, I have two more and then I have to go to the hospital to dictate and see patients and then I will be lucky if I get home by eleven o'clock tonight." Then he said that from now on, he wanted me to be his last patient of the day so he could spend extra time on my ultra sounds, and that I should tell the appointment girl that he wants me in the 4-D room, always.
And then he started repeating my scan. He said that the brain ventricles remain slightly enlarged, not alarmingly so, and the same for both kidneys. He said that this is a common finding with Ds pregnancies due to the concomitant finding of hyperhydramnios; however, I had no evidence of too much amniotic fluid - mine was just right. Then he started really looking at the heart, and there was more good news. He said that the 'abnormal focus' in the heart, another common finding in Ds pregnancies, was now "so small it is insignificant." Then he said to hop up and go into the 4-D room, with the big LCD screen over the table, that he'd be right there.
Once there, he reminded me that I still had about four weeks to change my mind. I reminded him that I'd already made my firm decision. He took both of my hands into his and said, "Tracy. Promise me, promise me, that you will think about this. I am not speaking with you as a patient, I am speaking with you as my friend. You are very, very dear to me, and I know that if you are not absolutely sure, absolutely positive, with no doubts in your mind, that if this baby is born with major health problems, if you then second guess this decision, it is going to tear you apart. You will not be able to live with yourself unless you are completely sure right now that this is the proper thing to do." I looked him straight in his kind, concerned face and promised him that I'd already thought long and hard and I knew for certain that this was the only proper thing to do. "Okay my dear," thumping my knee like a grandfather might do, "I believe you. Only promise me that you will never look back, and I promise you that I will do what ever I can to see that you make it as close to your due date as possible." And then the fun began!
After printing several pictures of the baby, he switched to 4-D and let the Girlie and I watch little mini clips of The Baby in motion! It was so incredible! We got to watch him moving his arms and legs and touch his face and turning his head! It was the most amazing experience! Dr S said Jack's vigorous and strong activity may well indicate that he could be very high functioning! And then he printed three 4-D pictures that are so clear I can see Jack's little ears! I fell in love with My Baby all over again! The Girlie had been surprisingly quiet during the mini-clips, and as soon as Dr S left so I could dress, I found out why.
I still don't know where or when she heard the word abortion, and she does not have the memory capacity to tell me. I am beginning to regret that I was so honest about why some people choose to abort. But she knew that Dr S had been talking about termination. All I could do was hold her tightly while I stood there half dressed and assure her again that I would do everything in my power to make sure her Baby Brother would be born safely. She cried. She was still scared. She stopped sniffling when I reminded her of Dr S's pledge to do everything he could to keep Jack safe until he was ready to be born. My Girlie. She is such a sensitive soul.
Once the Dear Daughter was calmed, I dressed and we collected our awesome new pictures and were just about to walk out of the office into the hallway. Then Dr S came rushing out, holding a finger up to detain me while he held a cell phone to his ear. When he hung up he said, "Oh, my dear. I am so glad you did not get away!" He handed me a piece of paper with a name and phone number written on it. "This man is like an uncle to me. He was my mentor through medical school. He has a child with Down syndrome and I called him to see if he would speak with you. He is a good man. He said he would wait in his office for your call, but he needs to leave in about 30 minutes. Go right home and call him. Please." I thanked him profusely and ran right downstairs to call him from the van. Okay, so we took the elevator down, but you get the picture!