...And in the air, the fireflies, our only light in paradise. We'll show the world that they were wrong, and teach them all to sing along; singing Amen I, I'm alive. Amen I, I'm alive...

- Nickelback, If Everyone Cared

For All The Right Reasons Album

And I'm singing Aaa-ayyy-men, I'm alive!

William Leonidas November 12th, 2009
My only regret is that I cried so many tears while I waited for you.

"...I'll try ~ but it's so hard to believe. I'll try ~ but I can't see what you see. I'll try and try to understand the distance between the love I feel ~ the thing I fear ~ and every single dream. I can finally see it. Now I have to believe all those precious stories. All the world is made of faith ~ and trust ~ and pixie dust. So I'll try ~ because I finally believe. I'll try ~ because I can see what you see. I'll try, I'll try ~ to fly..."

Jonatha Brooke "I'll try"

Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..." Jeremiah 1:4-5

For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well. Psalms 139:13-14

Monday March 5th, 2010

So Why Stinkerie?

It's simple, really. It's the first thing I whispered against my newborn little Dumpling's temple as I held him alone for that very first time. "There's my Little Stinkerie." And all was right with the world as I brushed my lips across his delicate dewy soft newborn-pink skin and sniffed at his sparse smattering of downy soft hair. Corny and sappy, huh? I can't help it when describing my new Little Puppy. But don't get used to it - I have been told I am "irreverent."

Anyway, it just came out and he's been Stinkerie ever since. As well as Stink Pie, Stink Pot, Stinkey Pete, Little Stinks, Stinks, Puppy, Ducky, Baby, Baby Head, Baby Head Jenkins, Jack, Jack-Jack, Jackie Boy, Jax, Snork, Snorkis, Snorkle, Billy Boy, Billy Bob, Bobby Sue, Billy-Joe-Jim-Bob, Will, Willie, Willister, and the name given by my mentor turned friend Beth - Snake. When I write to her I call him either The Snakester or Slither! And of course, Dumpling, because he is my Little Dumpling - warm and soft and comforting. It's alright to combine comfort food with baby names, right? Have you ever watched the movie Where the Heart Is? If you have, you'll know why I mention this in my defense!

Long story short, you're likely to encounter any one or more of these names in a single post. Because I can. It's my blog!

Something to Consider

Bad decisions make good stories.

Something to Think About

With any pregnancy, there are concerns. With any child, there are worries. When you have a diagnosis of Down syndrome, you know what to worry about. You know what to look for. You have a plan of action. With your typical child, there is no limit to the things that can 'go wrong' or 'happen.' There's no place to focus your worry and concerns. 'IT' will always be out there, waiting. You'll always be on guard. Even when the child is 55 and has grandchildren. With Down syndrome we have a battle plan. With Down syndrome, there is a finite number of things that can go awry. With a typical child, there's isn't. It's a crap shoot. I'm sticking with the Ds and taking the other two back to the hospital for a refund.

Head Above Water

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Friday, July 10, 2009

The Great Divide and Overhauling the Homestead Part III

I am certain that The Beloved did not kiss me good bye when he left for work this morning. I am equally certain that he did stand over my sleeping form, looking at me, with all the pain in his heart showing in his eyes.

Today Susie and I began what should be an outright demolition of the room that will be The Baby's nursery. That room was initially, when we first moved into this home, full of potential, lofty dreams, and the source of much creative brilliance. Instead of repainting the pepto-bismol pink walls and straightening out the crappy plastering so that I could have a permanent place for scrap booking without having to put every thing away each time, that room became the repository of everything we had no other place for, but still couldn't toss out. What was I thinking? Why had we kept so much crap? Did we really need to keep the TV with the little thingamajig broken off and duct taped to the back that would require almost the price of a new one to have repaired? Why not? And the daybed that The Oldest had outgrown, did we really need that? Well, yes, actually we did need that. But seriously, when we started pulling lids off of boxes of dishes I'd gotten along without, the old silverware that I'd had to replace when I realised we were having 12 people for dinner our first Thanksgiving a month after moving in and had not found the old, perfectly beautiful silverware, canned goods that while perfectly safe looking I would not in a million years open, for fear of toxic gas, much less eat, litter boxes that were carefully cleaned and packed in separate boxes because they are disgusting litter boxes after all but we no longer had any need for because both of our cats are outdoors, thank you very much...I really wanted to go back to my original plan and demo the whole thing. Contents included. But that would have required about ten grand that we didn't have. And besides...I needed something to keep my mind from dwelling on the great gulf that had begun to divide The Beloved and I. So we kept sorting and either carting stuff out to the newly cleaned, soon to be back-where-we started garage or out onto the newly established junk yard on the front porch.

Later in the day the Littles and I pick out some paint swatches to bring home. I have finally figured out what to say on the pregnancy announcements and I get them all printed and stuffed into envelopes before I can change my mind again. I take a late night trip down the street to the mail drop. They will go out first thing Saturday morning.

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