...And in the air, the fireflies, our only light in paradise. We'll show the world that they were wrong, and teach them all to sing along; singing Amen I, I'm alive. Amen I, I'm alive...

- Nickelback, If Everyone Cared

For All The Right Reasons Album

And I'm singing Aaa-ayyy-men, I'm alive!

William Leonidas November 12th, 2009
My only regret is that I cried so many tears while I waited for you.

"...I'll try ~ but it's so hard to believe. I'll try ~ but I can't see what you see. I'll try and try to understand the distance between the love I feel ~ the thing I fear ~ and every single dream. I can finally see it. Now I have to believe all those precious stories. All the world is made of faith ~ and trust ~ and pixie dust. So I'll try ~ because I finally believe. I'll try ~ because I can see what you see. I'll try, I'll try ~ to fly..."

Jonatha Brooke "I'll try"

Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you..." Jeremiah 1:4-5

For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well. Psalms 139:13-14

Monday March 5th, 2010

So Why Stinkerie?

It's simple, really. It's the first thing I whispered against my newborn little Dumpling's temple as I held him alone for that very first time. "There's my Little Stinkerie." And all was right with the world as I brushed my lips across his delicate dewy soft newborn-pink skin and sniffed at his sparse smattering of downy soft hair. Corny and sappy, huh? I can't help it when describing my new Little Puppy. But don't get used to it - I have been told I am "irreverent."

Anyway, it just came out and he's been Stinkerie ever since. As well as Stink Pie, Stink Pot, Stinkey Pete, Little Stinks, Stinks, Puppy, Ducky, Baby, Baby Head, Baby Head Jenkins, Jack, Jack-Jack, Jackie Boy, Jax, Snork, Snorkis, Snorkle, Billy Boy, Billy Bob, Bobby Sue, Billy-Joe-Jim-Bob, Will, Willie, Willister, and the name given by my mentor turned friend Beth - Snake. When I write to her I call him either The Snakester or Slither! And of course, Dumpling, because he is my Little Dumpling - warm and soft and comforting. It's alright to combine comfort food with baby names, right? Have you ever watched the movie Where the Heart Is? If you have, you'll know why I mention this in my defense!

Long story short, you're likely to encounter any one or more of these names in a single post. Because I can. It's my blog!

Something to Consider

Bad decisions make good stories.

Something to Think About

With any pregnancy, there are concerns. With any child, there are worries. When you have a diagnosis of Down syndrome, you know what to worry about. You know what to look for. You have a plan of action. With your typical child, there is no limit to the things that can 'go wrong' or 'happen.' There's no place to focus your worry and concerns. 'IT' will always be out there, waiting. You'll always be on guard. Even when the child is 55 and has grandchildren. With Down syndrome we have a battle plan. With Down syndrome, there is a finite number of things that can go awry. With a typical child, there's isn't. It's a crap shoot. I'm sticking with the Ds and taking the other two back to the hospital for a refund.

Head Above Water

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Friday, December 3, 2010

I know I suck

There are pictures coming. I promise. I've just picked up the Girlie from school. She made it until 8:40 when her poor face was hurting too badly and she needed to come home. I'm waiting for The Middle Little's school to call to come get him because he is on new meds and they may kick his hiney while he gets used to them. So I'll get to the pictures when I can. Promise!

While I was at the school to pick up said Girlie, I ran into to the district nurse. We exchanged the common cilivities How are you fine thank you how are you. And then she said that she wondered if she might speak with me sometime. I was immediately on my guard. If it was about the basketball to the face she wouldn't have sounded so vague. If it was about The Poddest of Pods, she would have called a formal meeting already. I told her I'd be sending a detailed list on Monday of The Pod's new meds. Oh okay, but it's not that. So I asked her which child it was about. Neither she said. I feel really bad about what happened last year and wanted to see if we could talk about it. I said no, she'd victimized our family already, and she didn't get another chance. She kept blathering about how she didn't know DCFS would go to such extremes, how sorry she was, how she hadn't understood my extreme anger until she'd been told in detail what had happened, blah, blah, blah. I didn't even have the stomach to blog about some of the extreme detail. Still don't. Still makes me physically ill at what almost happened to My Girlie. Another parent was passing by as I said, "Well, like I said, you don't get another opportunity to victimize our family. The bridge has been burned and I don't see how talking about it will do anything except alleviate your feelings." The woman looked at me and then the district nurse. Call me shallow, but it felt good to stand my ground and not let her draw me into her emotional needs. Being mean to this woman who'd harmed my children, with holding kindness from her, not allowing her to cleanse herself to me...in my imagination it would have been an all out fist flinging headliner event with all the fanfare of five rounds in the ring at Madison Square Garden. It wasn't, It was a quiet, rather hushed discussion, whispered in the hallway between the nurses office and the office proper.

Also met Mrs W this morning. She was open to the fact that The Girlie staunchly denied what Mrs S supposedly said. Even suggested herself that denial is entirely different than failing to remember. I found myself not disliking her. We'll see how it all shakes out. The Girlie has been back-scratched, hair stroked and cartoon observing. Just now she's enjoying a cup of hot chocolate that I made for her with whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles. Jack's newest nick-name, courtesy of The Dear Daddy, is Wabiest of Wabies. He's such a big giant man to be so silly. Life is good.


Holly W said...

okay...what happened last year? did you write about this before I was a reader?
I know, so nosy...

Tracy said...

Holly, I did write about it...but I was so traumatised that I skimmed over it the real meat of it and attacked these two women with something I could write about that they had also done. The post was "Last night" and I'll link to it as soon as I write a follow-up...coming soon. The hubs is home and hates it when I'm on the computer, but he's sleeping, so I'll see what I can get done before he wakes up!

Stephanie said...

OK - so I wans't the only one who was lost. That is OK. You have the right to privacy too! :)

I DID want to say that I think you have handled this whole baskeball to the face thing MUCH better than I think I would have. I am fairly certain our outcome would have involved the basketball, a proctologist, and bail. ;)

Have a great weekend!

Steph and Christopher

Tracy said...

Hi Steph and Christopher!
No...you're not lost! What I did write about last year was so vague that I had trouble finding it...but I'm working on it right now! It will be ugly. If you think you're pissed about the basketball...you ain't seen nothin' yet! It was really, really, bad!